So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.
2 Corinthians 4:16
“What if there’s been adultery, but I don’t want to give up on the marriage?”
God bless you. If you’re determined to try to make your marriage work despite infidelity, you need to get counseling. It’s possible to want to make your marriage work for the right reasons. You may really be concerned for the glory of God and for your children. You may be so grateful that God forgave you, now you want to allow Him to forgive through you.
There can also be ungodly reasons for trying to make a marriage work. For instance, you may be insecure, simply afraid of the unknown. There are some people who will attribute their own fear to a desire to be godly and forgiving. God won’t bless fear, even if it’s disguised as godliness. A determination to preserve the status quo, done in the name of faith, is not honoring to God. You need to seek counseling and work toward making your marriage a restored picture of the sacrificial relationship of Christ with His bride, the church. Marriage requires trust. Once it’s broken, it’s hard to rebuild.
Another ungodly reason why some people want to stay in a marriage where there has been infidelity is in order to punish their spouse. I have seen this. “My spouse has been unfaithful and if I divorce them, they’ll be able to leave and start a new life without me. I’m going to punish them by forgiving them, then they’ll have to stay with me.” You need to get counseling and work to restore God’s plan. You can eventually make your marriage more beautiful than ever by following your loving, self-sacrificing Lord.
Some people stay in a faithless marriage to punish themselves. They feel somehow guilty, and they may be. Rather than staying in the marriage in order to bring glory to God and to display His grace, they’re going to stay in the marriage because they feel they deserve this betrayal of trust. You need to get counseling. You need to work through the guilt issues preventing you from having a godly marriage. If you’re going to do the right thing, you also need to do it for the right reasons.
Some people want to make their marriage work because of false pride. “If my marriage breaks up, it will look as if I’m not a very good decision maker. It will look as if I was a failure at this important relationship. I can’t bear for people to see that I make mistakes, so I’m going to make this marriage work.” God won’t bless sinful pride. God wants you to become like your Lord who humbly gave His life. Whether you are willing to work toward reconciliation or not, you must forgive your offender.
Maybe you are supposed to stay married despite the infidelity of your spouse. Maybe God will bless the relationship with reconciliation and renewal. I’ve seen God do this again and again, and it’s beautiful when this happens. But, if you are determined, despite infidelity, to stay and work your marriage out, get counseling. You shouldn’t go it alone. You will have to work long and hard with your mate at rebuilding a trusting, God-honoring relationship.
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