Some Pharisees came to Jesus to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?”
“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female, and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
“Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?”
Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”
While addressing the practical side of the question concerning divorce and remarriage, we must keep the foundation of marriage in focus. Before we talk about what to do in given situations, we need to understand the reason things are so wrong causing so much pain is because people do not follow God’s plan. People do not obey God.
Often, people who have gotten into a mess by disobeying God are tempted to try to get out of the mess by disobeying God again. The reason we hurt is because sin has consequences. Whether we suffer as a result of our sin or someone else’s sin or simply by living in a sin-sickened world, sin has consequences. Don’t ever believe Satan’s lie that you can improve your bad situation by disobeying God some more. This will never make the situation better. “Two wrongs don’t make a right.”
People talk with me about their bad marriages, and they think I’m insensitive and mean when I tell them what God says about divorce. I simply ask, “Are you going to obey God or not?” The reason I take a hard line on divorce is because Jesus, the most loving person who has ever lived, takes a hard line on divorce. The reason He takes a hard line on divorce is because He loves us, and He doesn’t want us to add more pain to pain. He doesn’t want us to take a bad situation and make it worse.
A woman called me one time and asked, “What if my husband has been immoral, but it was with another man instead of another woman?” Homosexuality qualifies as adultery. Sex is designed by God to be an expression of love between a man and a woman who are married to each other. Any violation of the sexual bond is adultery. If the bond is violated, God permits divorce.
In his letter to the church at Corinth (1 Corinthians 7:12-15), Paul deals with another question. What about a spouse who is deserted by an unbeliever? What do you do if you’re seeking to live for Christ and your spouse deserts you? Paul says if your unbelieving spouse deserts you, you are free to begin a new life; you are no longer bound. He uses the same kind of terminology he uses at the end of the chapter when the woman’s husband dies. He says she is no longer bound; she is now free. The reason Paul says, “Not the Lord, but me” is that he did not have a direct quote from Jesus. Jesus did not address desertion directly. But, Paul, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, tells us that a believer who has been deserted by an unbelieving spouse is no longer bound but is free to remarry.
What if a believing spouse deserts? Paul doesn’t even address this question. Why doesn’t Paul address desertion by a believer? Because believing spouses don’t repudiate the vows they made before God, do they? You may think you know a believer who did. God knows that person too, but God doesn’t distinguish that person with the term believer. God does not describe such a person as one of His.
Certainly, Paul was aware that Christians violate God’s plan. New believers in Corinth and Ephesus had to be told to stop stealing. They disciplined church members who sinned recklessly. But, you and I need to be careful about attaching the name of Christ to people who refuse to obey Him. We are warned to make our calling and election sure. Paul says if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believer is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. The bond is broken if the other person leaves.
Does this mean there are two grounds for divorce? No, there is only one – if a spouse breaks the bond and ends the marriage, whether by adultery or by desertion, divorce is permitted. If the other person ends the marriage, then God says you are free. Do not seek divorce; seek the ideal. Don’t hope things won’t work out; hope that they will and work towards this end. Don’t pray, “Just end the pain, Lord.” Pray for God’s glory to be manifested in your marriage relationship. Never make divorce your goal. Don’t work toward divorce as a solution to the problem of pain.
Realize it takes two to make a marriage work. God doesn’t guarantee your mate’s conduct, nor can you. Nowhere in the Bible does God promise that if you do the right thing, your mate will respond by doing the right thing also. God says for you to obey, but He doesn’t promise you the other person will do their part. And, if they don’t do their part, your marriage may be torn apart. But, it won’t be on your head, if you have walked in obedience to God.
Again, if you are divorced because of your mate’s adultery or desertion, you are free to remarry. There are godly Christians who would disagree with me on this point. On the basis of their study of the scriptures, they would say, “No, you are not. You’re free to be single, but you are not free to remarry.” All I can do is prayerfully study the scriptures, seek to tell the truth, and obey what I believe it says. I have prayed and studied for years, and as best I know the mind of God, I believe He says in the Bible that if you are divorced because your mate has committed adultery or has deserted you, then you are free to remarry.
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