Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.
Hebrews 13:4
I’ll never forget when Billy Graham was speaking at the college where I was a student. During the question and answer period, one student asked, “What about sex?”
Dr. Graham replied, “Sex is wonderful. I love sex. In fact, if it weren’t for sex, I wouldn’t be here today.” After the laughter died down, he went on to provide basic, biblical teaching about sex.
Many parents are reluctant to teach their children about sex, and pastors generally don’t preach on it. Having grown up in this culture, I can certainly understand why. On the other hand, if ever a culture needed to be confronted with what God says about sex, ours does. And if parents are serious about wanting the best for their children, they need to be responsible for teaching them what God says about sex.
When discussing this subject, a bit of reality is helpful. As Dr. Graham suggested, none of us would be here if not for sex. God describes the physical dimension of the marriage relationship with a great deal of candor. He has established basic, foundational truths, which must be kept in focus.
When did you first hear the facts of life? If your experience was typical, you didn’t start out with good information. Instead, you started out with more misinformation, half-truths and misperceptions than with accurate, godly counsel. Even if you got some straightforward biological facts, sex probably wasn’t presented in the context of a biblical view.
Young people generally get a whole lot of misinformation. As a result, our first impressions of sex are generally not good impressions, certainly not godly impressions. As the years go by and we grow in our relationship with Christ, we get new information, new facts, and a larger perspective. Still, a lot of people struggle because they simply add biblical information to initial misperceptions. Our poor introduction to the subject may continue to affect and color the way we view sex. We need to begin with a biblical view.
Let me call your attention to misinformation and misperceptions I encounter when I counsel people.
Misconception number one: “God disapproves of sex.” While we don’t believe this intellectually, our culture reflects this attitude, and we are affected emotionally. We need to think about the origins of sex and consciously bring our emotions in line with the truth.
Who invented sex? Adam and Eve didn’t come to God having invented something new. Sex was not the forbidden fruit. God intentionally designed sex. If you want to hear the best, most up to date information on sex, you won’t get it from Cosmopolitan, Playboy, HBO or MTV. You’ll get the best information from God, because he designed sex.
There’s a related misconception: God created sex solely as a means of procreation. That is, sex is for reproductive purposes and not intended for pleasure. Throughout the history of the church, those who had sworn an oath of celibacy generally made this argument. They were often persuasive in defending such a view for various reasons. One important reason being that the common people did not have access to the Bible. The effects of this misperception are still ingrained in many people’s lives today.
Misconception number two: “Sex is god.” This lie takes many forms. Many people believe sex is an essential, physical appetite, as necessary as food and water. Just as I must eat, I must have sex. This misconception lies at the root of many people’s thinking, and they operate on this basis. Much of the current political discussion concerning homosexual rights is predicated on this false notion. People who live a homosexual lifestyle sometimes argue, “I can’t live a celibate lifestyle. I have a basic, physical appetite for sex that must be gratified.”
This misconception can show up in all sorts of situations. For instance, a woman injured in an automobile accident becomes a quadriplegic; her husband feels he is entitled to find someone else to gratify his sexual needs. Or, a brain tumor leaves a man in a coma for years; he survives surgery, but he doesn’t communicate and is physically unresponsive. His wife feels somehow she’s entitled to have her needs met, because she has a basic appetite that must be fulfilled. Or, a couple finds they have drifted apart emotionally. The passion has gone out of their relationship, and so they feel entitled to spend time with someone else who can meet the emotional needs their spouse is not meeting. They eventually feel entitled to sexual intimacy as well. This misconception about the role and centrality of sex in meeting needs leads to sin.
Sex is worshipped every day in a thousand different ways. Teenagers have pictures of their patron saints on the walls of their bedrooms. But, the mythology of our modern sex cult leads to disappointment and frustration. People who bow before this god enter into all sorts of rituals. In this sense, sex is terribly overrated; it can’t do all the things people are looking for it to do. As a result, people feel somehow their sexual experience is inadequate. It doesn’t measure up, so they go off in quest of a sexual experience that will measure up, will solve their problems, will meet their need. A lot of people are continually frustrated and feel the problem is either with them or their partner. “I guess I’ll try a new partner.”
What a cruel god sex is! Our society’s worship at this shrine has been repaid with an epidemic of sexually transmitted diseases, including the dreaded AIDS virus. Yet, instead of learning from these horrible consequences, we have simply tried to minimize the impact by making condoms and abortions more available to our children. Such a response not only fails to solve the problem, but it reveals a third misconception.
Misconception number three: Sex is an isolated area of my life. What do I mean by this? Very simply, “if my sex life doesn’t meet my expectations, I can fix it, like I’d fix my car.” My car has an impact on the rest of my life. If my car breaks down, it affects my schedule and a lot of other things. But, because my car is not really an intrinsic part of my life, I can fix it or even trade it in. I can isolate the problem.
But, sex is not like an automobile. It can’t be isolated. Many people think their problem is sexual, when it isn’t. Marriages are diagnosed as having a sexual problem, when sexual dysfunction is a symptom of other problems. The problem may be job related or financial. The sexual dysfunction is one area in which other problems are showing up. We will not solve our problems by focusing on one area; we need to look at our lives in a fuller way.
Sex isn’t just an isolated part of life. It is one area of the marriage relationship in which God gives us the opportunity to demonstrate godly love in a way that will bring Him honor and bring us joy.
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