Forgiveness and Trust, part 4

Love is patient, love is kind. Love does not envy, is not boastful, is not arrogant, is not rude, is not self-seeking, is not irritable, and does not keep a record of wrongs.  Love finds no joy in unrighteousness but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7

In recent devotionals we have been discussing the necessity of forgiveness and trust in healthy relationships. Do you know the old expression, “Con me once, shame on you; con me twice, shame on me.” If this has happened to you, there is help.

First of all, you can trust God. He is the only One who will never fail you. Do you remember the prophet Hosea? God did something very unusual when he told Hosea to marry an immoral woman. Hosea’s wife, Gomer, was a prostitute. Hosea loved her. That is, he behaved with love toward her, but she was still unfaithful to him again and again.

And, she wound up being sold as a slave. Hosea, whose heart was broken with her infidelity, was told by God, “This woman, who promised herself in marriage to you and has played you for the fool, is being sold as a slave. I want you to go and pay the price to buy her back. Then, treat her as your wife with love.”

How was it possible for Hosea to do this? There’s only one way. Hosea’s trust was not in Gomer. Hosea’s trust was in God!

If you want to have a trusting relationship with your mate, invest your trust in God.

Don’t invest in your mate the kind of trust that says, “This person could never let me down.” This is a dangerous assumption. God is the only one who will never let you down!

Recognize that trust must be earned from the very beginning of your relationship. Do not take trust for granted. We can unintentionally encourage our mate to fall into sin by refusing to recognize every person’s vulnerability to sin. If you think your mate can’t or won’t sin, and so you offer no accountability to each other, you’re setting yourself and your mate up for a rude awakening. Yes, you should learn to trust each other. But, trust in God first and foremost. Learn to trust Him totally and be determined to obey Him. Everyone else is vulnerable to sin and must earn your trust.

You should set out to develop trust with your mate before you marry. Never take trust for granted. Diligently build safeguards into your relationship. God promises to provide a way out of every temptation, but you must be looking for the way out and whenever possible avoid situations which require an escape. Scripture is full of instruction and warning about our susceptibility to sin. Be disciplined, and as part of that discipline, be accountable to your mate.

Recognize the truth of scripture: “So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall! No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” (1 Corinthians 10:12-13). Set high standards of accountability for each other.

You are not only susceptible to temptation, but you are also susceptible to false accusation. Ask yourself and each other, “What can we do to encourage and build trust?”

I seek to remain above accusation. I make sure I can be seen when I’m counseling anyone. I won’t give another woman a ride in my car alone, and I won’t go out to eat alone with any other woman. I’ve never had a problem with inappropriate sexual behavior, but I do not want to ever allow for false accusation. I deliberately do things that make it obvious to my wife and others that I have nothing to hide. I refuse to put myself in compromising situations, which leave room for doubt.

One of Satan’s titles is “the accuser of the brethren.” There’s a good reason for this. If you don’t think Satan wants to destroy your relationship with your mate, you need to think again. Satan wants to discredit the relationship God has ordained between you and your spouse. He will undermine the trust relationship between you and your spouse if you give the opportunity. You have to strategically plan to overcome him, knowing his character. He is a liar and the father of lies. Don’t put yourself in compromising situations.

Remember what was said earlier about leaving and cleaving. If your job, your money, your hobbies, or anything other than God himself is more important to you than your marriage, your priorities are out of order. You have no more important responsibility than to protect the integrity of your marriage. If it’s a choice between doing what God commands or what my spouse wrongfully asks of me, I have to obey God. But if it’s a choice between doing what I want and meeting the legitimate needs of my spouse, I need to defer.

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