Forgiveness and Trust, part 8
Jesus said, “For if you forgive others their offenses, your heavenly Father will forgive you as well. But if you don’t forgive others, your Father will not forgive your offenses.
Matthew 6:14-15
You can trust the living God. He will never fail you. He is the One we are commanded to trust, and He has commanded us to forgive.
I have to forgive, but I don’t have to trust. So, is trust important within marriage? Yes, in marriage we need to be able to trust each other. However, trust is earned and developed over time. You trust each other more and more as husband and wife, when you go out of your way to invest in making deposits of trust in the marriage relationship. For instance, you arrive home when you said you’d be there. If something comes up, you call. Communicate. Don’t assume your mate must trust you simply because they married you. You are responsible to develop your mate’s trust in you by showing that you are trustworthy.
Sometimes, there are scars from previous relationships that affect the ease with which you or your mate are able to trust each other. A person who enters marriage with the pain of betrayal by a previous mate, abandonment by a parent, or abuse of any kind may need extra time and counsel in order to learn to trust their mate. Love requires understanding and patience.
Did you undermine your marriage relationship before you met your spouse? Did you undermine your marriage relationship with your spouse before you married? Put it all on the table. Say, “I’m sorry. That was wrong of me. Please forgive me. I really want you to be able to trust me. I want us to be able to trust each other.” Take personal responsibility for your past failures.
Are there other things for which you need to ask forgiveness? When you make new mistakes, go out of your way to invest in the trust bank. Apologize when you fail to communicate about a change in schedule or anything else that bothers your spouse. As you seek forgiveness, learn to also be forgiving. And remember, Matthew 6:14-15 states very clearly that if we refuse to forgive other people, then God’s forgiveness is not in us. Allow God’s grace to clean you out; then allow His grace to flow out from you to other people. Do it as often as necessary. It is a lifelong process.
Forgiveness is always based on grace; trust is earned. A good marriage requires both. You’ve got to have forgiveness in order for the relationship to work. When wrong occurs, we must be ready to forgive.
We can forgive, even if the other person has not said, “I’m sorry.” We need to forgive, even if the other person is not sorry. Some people are simply sorry they got caught. You still have to forgive them, but you don’t have to trust them.
We can’t really know what is going on in another person’s heart. Only God knows. He tells us in Romans 12:19-21: “Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord. On the contrary: ‘If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.’ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”
Jesus said on the cross, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” I don’t think I would have been convinced that they didn’t know what they were doing, but Jesus sees the intentions of the heart. Only Jesus can see the heart. I must obey and follow Him by forgiving. This is true in all of my relationships; it must become a way of life, if I follow Jesus.
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