Forgiveness and Trust, part 7

Jesus said, “For if you forgive others their offenses, your heavenly Father will forgive you as well. But if you don’t forgive others, your Father will not forgive your offenses.
Matthew 6:14-15

The one who has received this gracious forgiveness becomes a forgiving person. We become channels of His grace, because we realize that if God gave us what we deserve, we’d all get hell.

Remember, this does not mean I have to trust the person who has hurt me. Because I don’t have to trust them, it frees me to forgive them. I don’t have to carry bitterness against them. Depending on the person and the offense, I can love someone without obligation to spend time with them. I can pray for someone without letting them into my house. I will not willingly allow the opportunity for certain repeat offenses, not because I’m bitter but because I’m not foolish. I don’t have to be.

If I must forgive, but I don’t have to trust, can trust be regained in a marriage when there has been adultery? Yes, but the offended party must be willing to start over in order for restoration to occur. And, if I’m the one who has violated trust, I must be willing to do whatever it takes to build trust back into the marriage.

My wife and I have worked with couples whose relationships have suffered adulterous affairs. We have had to tell the offender that the offended party can make what may seem like harsh demands in order for restoration to begin. The demands may seem extreme, such as requiring the phone to be tapped, schedules to be kept, anything that helps to give them a confident sense of accountability. The offended party should even be able to spend money for a private detective. If you know you have violated trust and you have truly repented, you will want to do whatever it takes to restore the relationship by rebuilding trust.

If you are the offended party, you may not feel it is possible for trust to be rebuilt. Even so, you still have to forgive. You still have to love. If you don’t, you have no hope of other healthy relationships. The unforgiveness will destroy you. Remember, Jesus forgave you a debt you could never repay.

Jesus told a story about a man who owed an enormous sum of money. He went to see the man to whom he owed the money. He said, “Please, just give me a little more time.” The master knowing there was no way he could ever repay the debt said, “I’m going to forgive the debt and write it off. I’m not giving you more time to repay it; you no longer owe me.”

The man was ecstatic. He left the master’s house, went out, and found a man who owed him five dollars and said, “Pay up now or go to prison!”

Bystanders who saw this went and told the master. The master sent for the man and said, “You wicked servant. How could you do this after what I did for you? I’m reinstating your debt to me.”

Jesus tells the story and adds this warning: “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart” (Matthew 18:21-35). It is imperative that we take Jesus seriously. He commands us to forgive. This is why it is essential for us to understand the difference between forgiveness and trust.

Can you forgive someone who has died? Absolutely. You can even forgive a person who has been dead many years. You don’t have to establish trust in order to forgive. Forgiveness is not commanded for the sake of the offender. Forgiveness is for your benefit.

You can trust the living God. He will not fail you.

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