…in all your ways submit to Him,
and He will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:6
“When my mate and I disagree about money, who is in charge?”
God is in charge!
The way you and your spouse resolve conflicts over money should be an expression of your shared commitment to the Lordship of Christ. God has given the husband a special responsibility for servant leadership in the home. He is to be the head of the home, and when a decision is required, he must be willing to make the call and take responsibility for the consequences.
I heard of one couple who agreed that she’d make all the minor decisions and he’d make all the major ones. And in over forty years of marriage, they never had any major decisions. This is a cute story, but it’s not an honest picture of God’s plan. When both spouses agree that God is in charge, there shouldn’t be a struggle between husband and wife, and neither mate becomes a dictator. When God is in charge in the home, everyone wants to be sure that God has His way.
The husband has a special responsibility to enact the role of the Lord Jesus. Jesus laid down his life for his bride. If husbands want to be like Jesus, they must take their God-given leadership role and use it unselfishly. A smart husband will please his wife whenever feasible. He doesn’t use his headship as an opportunity to get his favorite color car. He uses his headship as an opportunity to insist that they’re going to get her favorite color car. He wants her to have what she wants. This is God’s pattern for headship.
Wife, your husband is the head of the home – this is not an easy job. You’re not supposed to be silent or hard to read. You need to honestly and lovingly express your wishes, desires, thoughts, and your God-given wisdom, and realize that God said from the beginning, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helpmeet suitable for him.” God has given you to that man, because he needs you. Husbands, you need to remember this too. Wife, pray and ask God to guide you to express yourself at the right time. And, support your husband as he makes decisions.
“What if I’m making most of the money? Does he still get to make the decisions?” Yes, but remember he doesn’t make decisions in a vacuum. He makes decisions with your counsel, and if he’s smart, he’ll make them carefully and prayerfully. It’s not your money or his money; it’s God’s money. The goal is not your will or his will; it’s God’s will.
Mistakes
Wife, when your husband makes a mistake, never say: “I told you so” or any variation thereof. If you do, nine times out of ten, your husband will be twice as belligerent in making the next decision. You have just challenged him to prove he can be right and you can be wrong. When he’s being belligerent, he’s more likely than ever to make another mistake. You don’t want to be responsible for setting him up for the next mistake.
Instead, try saying something like this: “I know it’s tough to be the head of the house. You have to make a lot of judgment calls. Sometimes, there’s really no way to know how things will turn out. I want you to know that I appreciate your willingness to take the lead.”
If you say this, guess what he’s going to do the next time there’s a decision to make? He’s going to want to know what you think. Since you know how tough it is for him to take the lead and since you appreciate him, you are a very perceptive and wise person. He certainly doesn’t want to make the same mistake he made before. He wants to reinforce your good opinion of him. He’s going to want to listen to what you have to say. Nine times out of ten, he will do what you suggest. You may be wrong, but it’s okay, it was his decision. It’s hard to be the head of the home. I thank God that in His grace, it’s okay to make mistakes.
One of my favorite stories about God’s ability to provide in the midst of our blunders is a very simple vignette from the gospels. When Jesus and the disciples were crossing the lake, the disciples started murmuring because they had forgotten to bring the bread; they were arguing over whose responsibility it was. Jesus said to them, “Why are you arguing? Don’t you remember when there were five thousand people, and I fed them with five loaves and two fish?”
If you make a mistake and forget to bring the bread, God will still meet your need.
As long as you’re seeking to walk in obedience to Him, He’ll meet every need you have. Wives, if you’ll support your husband, rather than putting him down, you will find he’ll be ten times more attentive to your insight. He’ll want, if at all possible, to do whatever you suggest.
Finally, pray and ask God to deliver you from financial bondage. Jesus Christ needs to be the Lord of your finances. You may have been trying to be financially independent, instead of learning to be dependent on Him. Whether you’re rich or poor, you need for Jesus to be Lord of every area of your life, including your finances. Be honest with Him. If He isn’t your Lord, yield to Him.
Acknowledge that God owns everything. Confess that you owe everything to Him. Seek His plan for your life. Do His will. Repent of the ways in which you have sought to be independent of Him. Ask Him to be Lord of your finances.
You need to trust Him to meet your every need. You need to trust His perfect time and His perfect way to do what is best for you. Thank Him for loving you and sending Jesus to die for you.
By: Jim Wood
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