The earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it.
Psalm 24:1
…For where your treasure is there your heart will be also.
Matthew 6:21.
… my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:19.
Finances often threaten the unity in marriage. Money is the number one subject for quarrels. Even in the most prosperous times and among affluent couples, money is a consistent subject of tension and quarrels. Decisions about money become a battleground, and financial pressure becomes a motivation for all kinds of compromises.
Schedules are built around a perceived need to “do what it takes” to secure a place in the desired echelon of society. Explanations from couple after couple sound the same, “Our friends are all doing it.” Those words don’t have any more validity when you are forty than they did when you were fifteen.
There are many men and women immersed in careers because of a desire for status or because of a felt need for emotional fulfillment. While emotional issues are part of the puzzle, the main refrain for running on a treadmill is, “We have to do this to get ahead financially.” I often end up counseling these people ten or fifteen years later when they say, “I don’t have any relationship with my children, and I don’t have much of a relationship with my spouse. As I look back over my life, I feel like most of it has been wasted.”
I’ve heard this confession from too many people, and it breaks my heart: “I thought I was working hard for the right reasons. I thought I was doing it for my family, but here I am looking at retirement. I’ve made a lot of money and acquired a lot of stuff, but I don’t even know my kids. I missed their childhood. I don’t like where I am.” Your children don’t like it either. Your spouse doesn’t like it, nor does God.
Did you hear about the man who said he spent his whole life climbing the ladder of success only to reach the top and find the ladder was leaning against the wrong building? Whether it’s buying the new car, moving to a new neighborhood or taking the ski trip, couples insist, “We’re doing what we have to do.”
I see couple after couple digging themselves deeper and deeper into a hole, to the point of struggling with despair. They begin to blame one another. They blame their kids, their boss, the economy. But they don’t stop to consider the fact that they’ve been violating God’s principles set forth in His word.
When a couple marries, they will often discover they have very different presuppositions and priorities when it comes to the matter of money. Money can only buy goods and services. So, some people are thing oriented, and others are memory oriented. He wants an electric drill; she wants to go out to eat. He wants a stereo; she wants a weekend away. He wants a hunting trip; she wants a new dishwasher. Men and women can be thing oriented or memory oriented. And, opposites attract.
All of us want some of each, but spending preferences will reveal an orientation in each person – goods or services, things or memories. One wants a camera; the other wants a cruise. If the money is flowing freely, we buy a camera and take it on a cruise. Some couples without money go ahead and buy the camera and take it on the cruise. This leads to marital strain.
It is vital to come to a basic understanding with your mate about what your individual priorities are. If you find that your mate’s priorities are different from yours, this will explain a lot of things about the way you relate to each other. The reason for your conflicts is not necessarily an unreasonable mate; it may be because you have different priorities. In order to work this through, you need to communicate. God willing, in the coming weeks we’ll look at some biblical financial principals about money and finances.
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