Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.
Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. 1 Peter 3:1-2, 7
These words from 1 Peter are ancient words. Some folks read them today and say, “This really doesn’t apply to us. This was based on an old, primitive, patriarchal system. I don’t see the relevance.” The relevance is based on a timeless design created by our maker. The reason there is so little marital happiness and stability in our world is because most couples fail to follow the Creator’s plan.
God gives us a pattern of unselfishness in His word, and God’s plan works. Some people get totally focused on the hierarchy described in the home, and they miss the thing that makes it work: a humble and gentle spirit, where two people cherish each other and don’t try to compete with each other. Instead, each of them cares for and encourages the other, never repaying evil with evil, or insult with insult, but offering blessing instead.
Scripture makes it very clear that men and women have different roles. Some people immediately think inferior and superior. While there is no hint in scripture that men are better than women or that women are better than men, there is clear teaching in scripture that men and women are made intentionally different to complement one another.
We’re different by God’s design, and we don’t have the same role. If you have two dads in the same family or two mommies, you’ve got an unhealthy situation. What God intends is for children to grow up with a mom and a dad. This is the plan, and it works. Biologically, emotionally and psychologically, it works! In order to have good communication in marriage, we must understand that our differences are a reminder, a sign, that we need one another, not an indication something’s wrong with our mate.
Often, I encounter couples in counseling who express a great deal of frustration because their mate isn’t like them. I hear a wife describing what sounds to me like “typical male behavior.” It may be bad behavior, but it’s typical male behavior. It’s a very familiar pattern. Or, I hear a man describing the incomprehensible behavior of his wife, which sounds to me like “typical female behavior.”
What they need is not advice on how to force their spouse to change, but to develop an understanding that their spouse is supposed to be different. This doesn’t mean we can use gender differences as an excuse to accept or explain our own faults, as if it were impossible to change our behavior. It does mean that a great deal of progress can be made when we begin to understand, accept and build a relationship with our mate based on acceptance and unconditional love.
Resource:
