from Dining with Jesus 

One Sabbath, when he went in to eat at the house of one of the leading Pharisees, they were watching him closely. There in front of him was a man whose body was swollen with fluid. In response, Jesus asked the law experts and the Pharisees, “Is it lawful to heal on the Sabbath or not?” But they kept silent. He took the man, healed him, and sent him away. And to them, he said, “Which of you whose son or ox falls into a well, will not immediately pull him out on the Sabbath day?” They could find no answer to these things.

He told a parable to those who were invited, when he noticed how they would choose the best places for themselves: “When you are invited by someone to a wedding banquet, don’t recline at the best place, because a more distinguished person than you may have been invited by your host. The one who invited both of you may come and say to you, ‘Give your place to this man,’ and then in humiliation, you will proceed to take the lowest place.

“But when you are invited, go and recline in the lowest place, so that when the one who invited you comes, he will say to you, ‘Friend, move up higher.’ You will then be honored in the presence of all the other guests. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and the one who humbles himself will be exalted.”
Luke 14:1-24

I was asked recently, “How do these principles of Jesus affect the way we deal with people? For instance, I don’t want to be controlled by my fear of offending someone with what I say. So, how do I fearlessly speak the truth while avoiding being offensive?”

Scripturally, we are always “to speak the truth in love.” We have to be circumspect about our motivation in addressing the person. Why do you feel you must speak? Sometimes, being silent is wisdom. It is possible to tell the truth but in a hurtful way. It is not helpful to speak if you’re not motivated by love. Yes, you must tell the truth, but sometimes it’s better to say nothing at all. For instance, “That’s the most outrageous outfit I’ve ever seen. You must have terrible taste.” While you might be speaking truth, it’s neither helpful nor loving. It’s not building anyone up. So, use self-control and don’t offer unhelpful words.

Aim to always be ready to speak the truth in love. To love well, our words must be true. Parents should not promise their children, “Don’t worry. Nothing bad is going to happen.” If you are on this planet long enough, something bad is going to happen. Don’t just say something sweet and positive in order to try and make them feel better.

You can lovingly and truthfully tell your children that God is always working all things together for the good of those who love Him, who are the called according to His purpose. You can teach your children that God is love and His word is always true. This brings real and meaningful comfort.

I’ve been to the doctor before and had him tell me things that I didn’t want to hear, “You need to have surgery as soon as possible.” While nobody likes to hear that, it was the truth and I needed to hear it.

Once, I was in the Oncology Division at Emory Hospital because I had a tumor in my neck. The doctor tried to be nice, but he actually was being so nice in his manner, he made me even more nervous. I thought, “Boy, he’s afraid I’m going to die.” He said, “Now Reverend Wood, um, 80% of these tumors are benign. But it goes without saying that if 80% are benign, 20% are… not benign.” He couldn’t bring himself to say the C word! But the fact is, we both knew what he was talking about. He was trying to be nice, trying to be kind, but the fact that he was so careful just scared me that much more.

As we look at these sayings of Jesus, we see Him repeatedly saying things that make people uncomfortable. He asked pointed questions and offered candid observations. You can imagine people blushing and averting their eyes. Sometimes the kindest thing we can do for somebody is to go ahead and tell them the truth. Just tell them the truth! Prayerfully seek to share it in a loving manner as prompted by the Holy Spirit. Jesus did this perfectly. You and I are a work in progress. But, our model must be Jesus, not the crowd. And when we trust Christ, we can depend on Him to change the way we think and the way we speak.