Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Ephesians 4:29,30

We grieve the Holy Spirit when we don’t obey what He says about the change in our language. There are things that come to mind that we want to let out, but we must “not let any unwholesome talk come out.” Don’t do what comes naturally.

I had gotten into a very bad habit of using coarse language and using expletives when I was in my elementary and early teenage years. My pastor’s son, a year younger than I, challenged me to read this passage from Ephesians and another from Colossians. He showed me in God’s word that it was wrong for me to talk that way, so by God’s grace I began to change. The time that I was most inclined to lose it and let the wrong words come out was when I was engaged in athletics. That was where I felt the most competitive and the least secure.

The summer I turned sixteen I was working as a chaplain at a summer camp. The campers thought that because I was introduced as Jim Wood from Montreat that meant I must be a student at Montreat College. I didn’t tell them that; they simply treated me with more respect than I had expected as a sixteen-year-old.

Learning to water ski at sixteen, I faced embarrassing challenges. The rule was that as long as you stayed upright on the skis, you could continue skiing, but as soon as you fell, it was the next person’s turn. Obviously, everyone stayed up as long as possible.

I managed to stay up quite a while, but soon realized that the longer I stayed up, the more difficult the boat pilot made it. That way the skier was challenged and the next person had a greater chance of getting a turn. Eventually, I fell, though I’m happy to report that I stayed up a respectable amount of time.

As I cartwheeled across the wake on the surface of the water, I let one four letter word escape my lips. I hoped that no one heard it, but when I got into the boat, one of the guys asked, “Did you just say what I think you said?”

I said, “I’m so sorry. I’ve already asked the Lord to forgive me, and I hoped you guys hadn’t heard that. Please, forgive me. I should never ever talk that way.”

A couple of years later l was in college, and I was learning how to snow ski. I figured it would probably be a lot like waterskiing. Unfortunately, they are not only different, but in some ways opposite. If you want to go left in waterskiing, you lean left. If you want to go left in snow skiing, you lean right. I should have taken at least one snow skiing lesson before hitting the intermediate slope. If I wanted to stay upright waterskiing, I leaned back. If I wanted to stay upright snow skiing, I was supposed to lean forward. I didn’t know. I also didn’t know how to turn or stop. I think I have dyslexia to begin with, so for a person who tends to get things backwards and has to really work not to get things backwards, to now have to reverse everything was driving me nuts.

Skiing down the slope for the first time, I had learned to guard my language; I was determined not to use four-letter words. Instead, I was praising God. I had developed praise as a pattern of speech. I say, “Praise the Lord” a lot, and I mean it.

As I was skiing down the slope, I wiped out and I said enthusiastically, “Praise the Lord.” There was no one around to hear it. It was just the Lord and me, but still I said it, because that’s the appropriate thing to do in all circumstances. I got back up, skied some more and wiped out again. I said, “Praise the Lord,” but a little more subdued this time. Again I got up and skied some more. This time when I wiped out, I didn’t say anything. I thought, “Okay, it’s time to take the skis off.”

I took the skis off and walked the rest of the way down the mountain, because there are times when other things come to mind, and they will spring to my lips, but I must not let unwholesome talk come out of my mouth. Instead, I need to be offering praise and thanks. That’s what is supposed to be coming out.

I have shared with the kids at Wears Valley Ranch a humorous illustration of self-censorship. A woman cut in front of me in the line at the supermarket. It instantly sprang to my mind that I should simply bark at her. She was so nasty. She not only cut in front of me, but then she turned and glared at me as if I had done something wrong.

As the woman glared into my face, I wanted to bark viciously. She was acting doggishly, so I wanted to get a little territorial with her. I don’t think I could have been arrested for barking; maybe they could have cited me for disorderly conduct. In any case, I didn’t do it.

We don’t have to give in to our impulses and say and do whatever springs to mind. There is, however, a time and a place for confrontation. There are some situations where it would be a sin not to fight against evil and defend the truth and the weak and oppressed. But all too often people avoid the battles they should fight and fight when they need to turn the other cheek.

The Holy Spirit within me reminded me that barking at the woman would not have been a good thing. There have been and will be many things that come to my mind and will spring to my lips, and, as a Christian, I must not let unhelpful, unwholesome speech come out of my mouth. It is so important to note, especially as parents and grandparents, that Scripture says,” …only what is helpful for building others up according to their need…”

We may think to ourselves, “Well, I just had to say that. He deserved it.” We don’t actually. The Bible says, “…according to their needs so that it may benefit those who listen.”
Featured Resource: