Gentle words are a tree of life; a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.
Proverbs 15:4
Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need.
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Ephesians 4:25–32
In Ephesians 4:25-32 we learn that one of the greatest barriers to communication is dishonesty. The apostle Paul begins this passage by saying: “Each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.” If this is true within the church, it is certainly true within the home. Yet, over and over communication is sabotaged because people are not honest.
My wife was testing a student who had just come to the Ranch. She asked, “Are you taking any kind of medication?”
The child answered, “No ma’am.”
It turned out this child was on three different kinds of medication. Perhaps the child reinterpreted the question and meant to say, “I’m not ingesting any medications at this precise instant while answering your question.” The child may have been “answering the question narrowly,” as some are prone to do. The child’s answer was “legally” accurate. The child wasn’t swallowing medication while he was being asked the question. If this is the manner in which you attempt to be “honest,” your relationships are headed for disaster.
It is important to tell the truth, but we must also make the effort to state the facts without expecting those around us to “figure it out.” Every now and then, I realize I have just asked someone to read my mind. For instance, I’ll say, “Do you know where that thing is?” without specifying what it is I want, because I was off in my own world. I was processing things. I was solving problems. Then, for a brief moment in time, I needed someone else’s assistance. So, without cluing them in as to what I’m thinking about, I ask a question. They have to let me know that I haven’t given enough information.
Did you know we sometimes have communication problems in marriage, because we act as if our mate is supposed to be able to read our mind? The truth is that if our mate could read our mind, a lot of us would be in trouble.
If you want to be understood, it begins with honesty. However, honesty does not mean we say whatever comes to mind. There are questions a wife can ask her husband and the minute the question is asked, he knows he’s in trouble. His wife asks, “Honey, how do I look?” She is not looking for a purely objective analysis. What she’s looking for is emotional reassurance. We all need to be honest about what we’re really looking for, and we need to be sensitive to each other’s needs. Be loving and kind, but honest.
Being honest does not mean we always say everything we know. It does mean that whatever we do say is not just technically correct but is without deceit.
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