…For he was looking forward to the city that has foundations, whose architect and builder is God.
Hebrews 11:10

While I am not skilled in the building trades, I have been responsible for the supervision of a number of building projects. And, whether the project is large or small, the beginning is always the same. The foundation must be well laid if the building is to withstand the pressures of future storms and potential natural disasters. We can certainly take this building analogy and apply it to the more important issue of laying the foundation for a biblical marriage.

Let me emphasize that in order to have a truly Christian marriage, you must have not only the union of two people who are Christians, but also a union founded upon their mutual commitment to Christ. I have known a lot of couples where both parties had, as individuals, made a commitment to Jesus Christ. But their marriage commitment was not so much an expression of their commitment to Jesus Christ as it was the very natural outgrowth of carnal desire. While physical desire is good, it is not a good foundation for a Christian marriage.

You say, “Well, both us are Christians.” Yes, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you are starting into a Christian marriage. It may simply mean two Christians are starting a marriage.

A Christian marriage has to do with the basis and quality of the marriage commitment. In order to have the kind of foundation God intends, the Christian marriage is an amplified and visual expression of each individual’s commitment to Christ. While a godly couple will enjoy each other’s personality and desire each other physically, the marriage covenant is entered into with the serious intent of honoring God and reflecting his glory.

The Christian marriage is not an outgrowth of a martyr complex: “The reason I want to marry you is because I’m really in love with Jesus, and I believe marriage to you will be my cross to bear.” You should be attracted to each other: physically, intellectually, and socially. But the attraction should be centered, first and foremost, in your recognition of Christ in that other person. You should be an encouragement to each other in spiritual growth and maturity. Jesus must be at the center of both lives. Therefore, the commitment is an expression of your commitment to Christ.

People in relationships are dynamic, fluid and changing. The lyrics I quoted last time, “Since we know we’re always changing, how can it be the same,” describe what many people want. A lot of people enter marriage wanting things to stay just the way they are. They won’t. You are each changing, and your marriage relationship is changing. Some things remain constant, but the relationship will change. It is dynamic. How can you make your relationship one that grows closer?

In our relationship with Christ, we are either growing closer to him or distancing ourselves from him, and in our relationship as husband and wife, we are either growing closer together or becoming distant. Because of the special nature of our relationship with Jesus, we have a guaranteed way of growing toward oneness with each other. But both partners have to grow closer to Jesus, or it won’t happen.

Growing closer to Christ is never an excuse for neglecting your spouse. In fact, you’ll find, as you grow closer to Christ, that he considers it of paramount importance how you are treating your spouse. Jesus says the way we treat other people is really the way we treat him. If you’re married, your spouse is the most important person in this regard.

 

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