Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord, because the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of the body. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives are to submit to their husbands in everything.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word. He did this to present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and blameless.  In the same way, husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hates his own flesh but provides and cares for it, just as Christ does for the church, since we are members of his body. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.

This mystery is profound, but I am talking about Christ and the church. To sum up, each one of you is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to respect her husband.  Ephesians 5:22-33

If you are married with children, you should know that your marriage is not just about you and your spouse. The relationship between husband and wife is the single greatest source of emotional security your children have. No matter how many terrible things have happened in the lives of the children we work with at Wears Valley Ranch, they never give up the dream of their mom and dad learning to love each other.
In spite of all the broken homes and hearts God’s design is good. Marriage is a blessing, not a burden. God loves us, and He wants our lives to be rich, full and free. A godly marriage grows better, sweeter and stronger with the passage of years, but we will only experience the blessing of His plan as we follow it.

In Ephesians 5 the Apostle Paul describes a relationship so different from what most couples experience, it is hard to imagine. The wife is told to submit her will to that of her husband, as an expression of her worship of Jesus. She is not to confuse her husband with her Savior, because her husband is not perfect. But, she is to submit to her imperfect husband in all things, and not because he is more intelligent or because he is stronger, better or more spiritual. She is told to submit out of reverence for the Lord, as an expression of her love for God. Such a requirement is inconceivable to most men and women in our society, but notice the context.

Husbands are told to love their wives the way Christ loves the church. How does Christ love His bride? His love is unconditional, sacrificial, complete and eternal. Christ did not love us after we had proved our love for Him. He loved us when we were still His enemies. He loved us in spite of our faults. When He hung on the cross, He prayed for His persecutors, “Father forgive them, because they don’t know what they’re doing.”

People should be able to look at the way a husband treats his wife and see what sacrificial love looks like. The way a husband loves his wife should be a reminder of the fact that God laid down his life to meet our needs.

Jesus literally died on the cross. He said, “Greater love has no man than this that he lays down his life for his friends.” A husband is commanded to lay down his life for his wife. This is not optional. This is not hyperbole. This is not some lofty ideal. This is basic, fundamental and essential. If you want to be the kind of husband God intends, there won’t just be some sacrifice involved. It will cost you everything. Jesus didn’t just suffer; He died. If you think you are in a difficult marriage relationship and are frustrated with the unpleasantness, realize you have not done all that is commanded of you until it costs you your life.

For most of us the sacrifice love demands is not a matter of physical death; it is learning to die daily to our own selfish agendas so that we might put the interests of our wife ahead of our own. Most couples have never seriously contemplated this level of commitment. However, this is God’s plan.

When Jesus spoke about the commitment required in marriage, His own disciples responded, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry” (Matthew 19:10). Jesus told them that, indeed, some people should be single. But, the option of marrying without giving total commitment is never part of God’s plan.

When a husband and wife take God’s commands seriously and depend upon His grace to learn how to love one another totally, the result is equally unimaginable. There is more joy, more peace, more security, and more love than words can express.